I Wish I Had a Bubble Butt (or Bootywishus)

I wish I had a bubble butt

Instead I’m burdened with excessive gut

If only my bum were nice and round

and quite a bit further from the ground

Seen side on I’m flat at the back

My proportions all sadly out of whack

Instead of a bust-balancing curvaceous rear

I’ve a bum that slinks lower down each year

Regarding implants I fear the worst

Surely they’d just rupture and burst:

Think of all the hours that pass

While one is sitting on one’s arse!

(Another  worry with the cosmetic solution

is to do with the effects of internal pollution)

So I  remain, in comparison to the divine Beyoncé,

Yours flatassedly,

The Human Sconce, eh?

by Bumfree Bogart, aka Flying Buttless