I wish I had a bubble butt
Instead I’m burdened with excessive gut
If only my bum were nice and round
and quite a bit further from the ground
Seen side on I’m flat at the back
My proportions all sadly out of whack
Instead of a bust-balancing curvaceous rear
I’ve a bum that slinks lower down each year
Regarding implants I fear the worst
Surely they’d just rupture and burst:
Think of all the hours that pass
While one is sitting on one’s arse!
(Another worry with the cosmetic solution
is to do with the effects of internal pollution)
So I remain, in comparison to the divine Beyoncé,
Yours flatassedly,
The Human Sconce, eh?
by Bumfree Bogart, aka Flying Buttless
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